感觉不好时，说不定是关系在升级｜Feeling bad doesn’t always mean wrong

往下拉阅读中文版。

Have you ever noticed that when you get closer to someone, you sometimes argue more or feel uneasy inside? 

For example, you and your best friend are getting really close. You start sharing more about your life, and maybe even show a bit of temper sometimes. 

Then one day, you fight over something, and you think, “Maybe we’re not meant to be friends anymore?”

But actually — that’s not true. It’s just that your connection got deeper. When we feel safe and trusted, we relax. We show not only our bright sides, but also the shadow parts, the parts of us that are still growing. 

And that’s when new “collisions” can happen. It doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. It means the relationship is upgrading — like unlocking the next level in a game. 🎮

Each conflict is a new “task,” helping both of you grow and understand each other more. So next time you feel bad, don’t rush to “fix” the relationship.

Instead, ask yourself: “What exactly hurts? What was I hoping for?”

Sometimes, it’s not the relationship that hurts — it’s our expectation that does. Such as thinking - “If they are my friend, they should always care about me, or they should always say yes to me.”

But when your friend starts saying no, it doesn’t mean they don’t care — it means the friendship is upgrading. 

Because in a real connection, both people are learning to be honest, free, and whole. In a real relationship, it’s never just about the good parts. Just like the world itself, there is always light and shadow. If we keep expecting a relationship to be only beautiful, and cannot accept the conflicts or the uncomfortable moments, it will always stay on the surface — it won’t grow deeper. 

So when you feel bad, it doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes, it’s an invitation — an invitation to grow your heart.

你们有没有发现，当我们和别人的关系变得更近时，有时候反而更容易“闹别扭”或触发“不好”的感受？

比如，你和朋友关系变得更近了，你开始敢在她面前说真心话，敢表达自己的真实需求，甚至有时候还会“耍点小情绪”。但后来，你们因为一些事不开心，你心想：“是不是我们其实没那么适合当朋友？”

其实不一定。那只是因为——关系变得更近了。

当我们觉得安全、被信任的时候，我们就会放下防备，开始展示出自己真实的样子。包括那些“不那么美好”的一面，属于人性里阴暗的那部分。这时候，新的一些碰撞也会出现。

但你们知道吗，那并不是关系变坏了，而是关系在“升级”——像在游戏里打怪一样。每一次我们和他人之间的摩擦，其实都是一个“新课题”，帮我们更了解自己，也更了解别人。

所以，当你觉得“感觉不好”的时候，可以先别急着修关系，先问问自己：“我哪里不舒服？我希望对方怎样？”

有时候，我们只是被自己的“想法”绊住了。比如我们以为：“如果对方把我当朋友，就该考虑到我的感受。”可当朋友没有考虑到你时，当朋友开始表达他自己的需求时，其实不是他变了，而是关系到了一个可以开始升级的契机了，让两个人都能成长，都能更自由地做自己。

因为真实的关系里，从来都不是只有美好的一面，就像这个世界永远都有明和暗。如果我们永远期待一段关系里只能有美好的一面，不能接纳冲突与不好的一面，关系就永远只会停留在表面，不会升级。

所以，当你感觉不好时，不一定是关系不好，也可能那是一个邀请，邀请你去升级你的心。