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健康亲密关系的五个律动|5 rhythm of a healthy relationship

Updated: Jun 22

往下拉阅读中文版。



A guide for teens and young adults


Almost everyone wants to find love — the kind that feels safe, exciting, fun, and lasts a long time. But if we look around, truly happy couples are kind of rare.


You might wonder:Why is love so hard to find — and even harder to keep?


Maybe you’ve already started noticing it: people who date for a while and then break up, couples who seem perfect at first and then start fighting, or even adults who stay together but don’t seem very happy.


So what’s really going on?


💬 First, It’s Not Just You


If you’ve had some awkward crushes or tough relationship moments, you’re not alone. It’s not because you’re bad at love or broken inside. Most people struggle with relationships — even if they look confident or post cute photos online.


That’s because love isn’t just about finding the right person. It’s about learning the right skills.


💡 Real Love Isn’t a Magical Feeling — It’s a Grown-Up Skill Set


Sure, crushes feel magical. And yes, chemistry is fun. But those feelings don’t last forever. After a while, what really keeps love going is not luck or looks — it’s emotional maturity.


That means knowing how to handle conflict, how to talk openly, how to say sorry, and how to stay kind even when you’re upset.


🧭 5 Big Skills That Make Love Work


Here are five emotional habits that help love grow — and last:


  1. Admitting when you mess up. - Not blaming, not hiding — just saying, “Yeah, that was my fault.”

  2. Letting yourself be vulnerable. - It’s okay to say, “I’m scared,” or “That hurt my feelings.” That’s being brave.

  3. Being kind when the other person is having a bad day. - Instead of snapping, you say, “It’s okay. I’ve been there too.”

  4. Accepting each other’s weirdness. - Everyone has quirks. Real love means saying, “You’re a little strange — but I love that.”

  5. Not letting anger stick around. - Talk it out. Forgive. Keep the admiration alive.


🌱 These Skills Take Practice


If you’re thinking, “Wait, I’m not very good at this stuff,” — that’s totally okay. Nobody’s born knowing how to do it. That’s why love is something we learn — just like riding a bike or cooking a new recipe.

Every friendship, family moment, or little relationship is a chance to practice.


 What Real Love Looks Like


  • It’s not perfect.

  • It’s not always exciting.

  • It’s not without mistakes.


But it’s steady. It’s honest. It’s full of learning and growing together. Real love means choosing to understand someone, even when they’re annoying. 


It means being gentle with each other’s mistakes — and cheering for each other’s growth.


📣 One Last Thing


You don’t have to rush into love. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. And you don’t have to settle for less just because “everyone else is doing it.”


The love you deserve will come from emotional strength, good communication, and mutual respect — not just feelings and flirting.


So take your time. Be curious. Keep growing. 


Because love isn’t just something you feel. It’s something you build.



你有没有偷偷想过:“为什么别人看起来那么幸福,而我总是遇不到对的人?”


你不是一个人,很多人都这么想过。我们都渴望被爱,想遇见真正懂自己、愿意和自己一起走下去的人。可很多时候,关系一开始很甜,最后却无声无息地消失了。


💔 那些关系,为什么走着走着就散了?


我们常以为:爱一个人,靠感觉就好。但你有没有发现:


🔹 有些人刚开始很好,但一吵架就变了

🔹 有些人明明很喜欢彼此,却总是伤害对方

🔹 有些人谈了很多次恋爱,却还是不懂怎么“好好在一起”


这不是运气不好,而是因为 - 真正的“爱”,是需要有能力的。


💡 能让一段关系长久的,是这五个“律动”:


1. 承认自己的不完美,而不是假装很厉害


没人是完美的。我们都有小情绪、坏习惯、做错事的时候。真正的亲密,是敢承认这些:“对不起,我刚刚太冲动了。”而不是永远都得当“优秀学生”。


2. 愿意表达脆弱,而不是一直逞强


你可以说“我今天心情不好”,可以说“我有点不安,你能来抱抱我吗”,不需要每次都装作什么都不在乎。

能坦白感受,是勇气,不是软弱。


3. 对对方的小缺点温柔一点,而不是动不动就想“改造”他/她


谁都有不让人满意的地方:可能他很慢热,她很敏感。重要的不是“改掉对方”,而是你们能不能学着理解、一起调整节奏。


4. 接住那些“不太正常的情绪”


有时候,对方会突然情绪低落、话变少、脾气变差。不是不爱你了,而是ta也在经历自己的情绪风暴。你能不能做那个不急着责怪、愿意等一等的人?


5. 别让失望变成“长期怨气”


每段关系都会有失望的时候:考试没考好、忽略了对方的感受、误会了彼此。问题不是失望本身,而是你们愿不愿意坐下来,好好讲清楚,然后继续走下去。


🧭 真正让关系稳住的,不是颜值、也不是浪漫


你可能以为:


“要有共同爱好才适合。”

“要很有话聊才长久。”

“要没有争吵才是真爱。”


但其实,真正能让你们走很远的,是彼此在“最不好相处”的时刻,还能看见对方的好,还愿意一起成长。


🪴 爱,是一种可以练习的“肌肉”


即使你现在觉得自己还不会好好相处、还不懂爱人、还容易冲动,都没有关系。只要愿意学习、愿意觉察、愿意一次次练习,你就会慢慢长出爱的能力。我们谁都不需要去当“完美的另一半”,而是和另一个人,慢慢变成更好的我们。


❤️ 最后送你一句成长中的小情话:


“我没有很完美,但我愿意学着更温柔地靠近你。”

“你也不需要很完美,只要愿意让我靠近。”


这,就是我们值得拥有的爱。




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